Reflection on How I Broke the Spell
August 19th, 2021
Seven days ago, I made a decision—a decision that has started to pull me out of the postpartum fog that had enveloped me. Many people think postpartum issues are confined to depression and last only 6-8 weeks. However, postpartum challenges can linger as long as you are breastfeeding, for months, or even years. They can manifest in many forms beyond depression, like feeling detached from your own body or becoming someone you no longer recognize. This was my experience. I felt like I was under a spell—my memory was hazy, I couldn't finish sentences, I was self-destructive, and I floated through daily life in a daze. I needed to break this spell.
Today, I feel different:
I have never felt happier.
I have never felt so good.
I have never felt this type of relief.
I am grateful.
I walk taller, join conversations with confidence, and find myself laughing and smiling again. I know that remembering things will come with time, but for now, I celebrate these victories. Here’s how I broke the spell:
Stopped Drinking
Though I didn’t drink a lot, it was enough to take over my evenings. I constantly calculated how long I needed to wait to nurse or pump after having a glass of wine, which was driving me crazy. I would have two hours, and sometimes I pushed it, leading to guilt when I had to pump and dump. Stopping drinking lifted a weight off my shoulders.
Cut Out Beef
I found that beef made me feel heavy and groggy. Fun fact: I read somewhere that it takes three days to fully digest. Eliminating beef from my diet made me feel lighter and more energetic.
Eating More Fish
During my pregnancy, I had gestational diabetes, and my husband discovered great ways to cook fish for me. As a bonus, he learned how to cook! Including more fish in my diet has been a game-changer for my energy levels and overall well-being.
Moderating Soy Intake
I started eating more soy, but not excessively, since too much can be harmful. This balanced approach has helped me feel healthier.
Caffeine Intake
I limited myself to one cup of coffee per day and began exploring alternatives. Reducing caffeine has helped stabilize my mood and energy levels.
Yoga
Practicing yoga has been essential for connecting my mind, body, and soul. Moving through breath and movement has helped me feel more grounded and present.
Meditation
Starting my day with intention and ending it with reflection and gratitude has been transformative. Meditation has helped center my mind and open my heart.
Today, my husband finally has his wife back. My son now sees his present mother and who she truly is as a person. I am back to being me, and it feels incredible. These small changes and the practice of meditation have broken the postpartum spell, and I am profoundly grateful.
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